Microsoft announces it has moved Activision-Blizzard offices to international waters

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INTERNATIONAL WATERS — Tech giant Microsoft has announced that after its colossal purchase of Activision Blizzard, it has moved the company’s headquarters to the middle of international waters.

“We understand and acknowledge that Activision-Blizzard has had some controversy, and we want to rectify that immediately,” Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella said. “With their new office upgrade, everything they would have done is now completely legal. Ethics are very important to us, so we wanted to make sure that Activision-Blizzard succeeds in an environment in which they feel comfortable, especially in a lawless territory where depraved and sinister behavior is rampant.If the expansion goes as planned, we even hope to open another Activision-Blizzard office in Iraq.

Microsoft customers have already taken notice of the company’s progressive new decision.

“I only like to support good companies, so I’m really glad Microsoft is taking clear steps to make sure Activision and Blizzard’s behavior isn’t technically illegal,” customer Kenny Ballinger said. “I was appalled by Activision-Blizzard’s horribly toxic workplace, but until I can physically see it, I can pretend it doesn’t exist. quality of life updates for their games if they’re not constantly bogged down by harassment lawsuits and lawsuits.

While Activision-Blizzard employees were initially surprised, many are starting to look to the new workspace.

“I was worried, but when I saw my four maiden signing bonus, I changed my mind,” Blizzard head Michael Stone said. “We are all paid exclusively in maidens and beer, which we had to bring from home to the last office. Those aren’t all the benefits though. I’m still in the hazing period where I have to show up to work sober for the first two weeks.

As of press time, Activision-Blizzard sources say they will also be responding to a controversy by changing Bobby Kotec’s name to Cassidy.

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